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Allama Rizwi: The Bright Side!

Allama Rizwi: The Bright Side!

By Haris Azeem Yar Khan –

Venerable and honorable Mr. Allama Khadim Hussain Rizwi has been an infamous part of our political landscape for the past few months. His Faizabad dharna last year, in response to the changes in the election bill 2017 and again earlier this year, left the entire country rattled and at a complete stand still. The obstinate Rizwi sb, after throwing a tantrum in November of 2017, and being pleased by the authorities (ahem ahem thousand-rupee Cheques ahem ahem), kept a low-profile for a while. However, a year later, he reappeared in all his glory and grandeur, following the acquittal of Asia Bibbi, the Christian woman accused of blasphemy back in 2010. Despite being castigated left, right and center, Allama sb has garnered quite a following himself, and believe it or not, it does not consist of only the maulvi fraternity.

Gathering a mere thousand ‘pious’ Danda-clad brethren and pulling the entire state to its knees, is no small feat, and only a man of such a stature as the fastidious Rizwi Sb has the audacity and the ability to pull of such an iconic stunt. His far-right party ‘Tehreek-i-Labbaik Pakistan’, might not be the most popular party in the country, due to obvious reasons, but its profound impact on Pakistani politics cannot be ignored; it bagged more seats than the PPP in Punjab.

No matter how much we belittle his struggle for the cause of religion, or disparage the anti-state narrative that he so ardently loves to promote, we cannot deny the simple fact. That in the little corners of our hearts, we cherish this charismatic personality. Our faces light up when he graces our screens with his benign presence. Fluttering heart, twitching of the lips, twinkle in the eyes and a general feeling of hysteria are all symptoms of falling haplessly for Khadim Hussain Rizwi. Has he ever, ever failed to bring elation to even the most solemnest of us all? Has he not given us, otherwise a nation in distress, a reason to smile? Lord Khadim never fails to impress!

One important reason for this rise to popularity is his status in the ‘Meme’ world. His comical looks, witty remarks, and articulate language, took over our meme forums by surprise, from the very first day he appeared in public as the TLP leader. The pg-18 flagrant language, makes for great meme content. There would probably not be a man in this country who isn’t aware of Rizwi’s status in the memeology of Pakistan. The famous ‘Pen Di Sirri’, ‘O D***…’, and ‘Sheikh-ul-Shaitan’ quotes are a national sensation, held dear by the two hundred thousand beating hearts scattered across the country. Only a prodigy like Allama Sahib is capable of putting together an eloquent mix of slangs that becomes part of the pop-culture.

All bow to Khadim Rizwi for satisfying our deepest and dankest of meme desires.

One thing I personally admire about him is that he never shies away from a challenge. You gotta give the man some credit for this resilience. It is hard to fathom a wheelchair bound, physically handicapped, mentally and rationally incompetent, and an ideologically possessed individual, vandalizing and sabotaging a formal state into submission, and that too with a mere thousand hooligans. This is a classic example of “Nothing is impossible”.

Also, he has been known to possess supernatural powers. Allama sb has often narrated encounters with ghosts or ‘Djinns’ in his lectures. In fact, in one of these aberrations, the Djinns visited him, bodied as large cats, to pay tribute to his Holy self. Woah, How cool is that? No, it doesn’t sound absurd to me at all!

Having said all that, Allama is a bit of an intellect himself. Just a few days back he presented his judicious plan to deal with the augmenting international debt, that the country currently faces. Mr. Allama Khadim Hussain Rizwi’s well-devised proposal was to inform the international body that due to religious obligations, Pakistan cannot pay any interest over the borrowed amount. As for the principal amount, the country would return it once it is in better financial conditions. Folding his cuffs, Allama dared the foreign countries to try take the money by force. And as he stated, if words are not enough to sway them, what is the Ghauri missile in our arsenal for? Ah, as simple as that! No Hassle. Wish we had more leaders like him.

This would give the Pakistan’s economic council a run for its money. Apparently we should have replaced Atif Mian, the guy removed from the economic council for being an Ahmedi, with Khadim Rizwi.

It’s high time we stop criticizing Allama Khadim Hussain Rizwi, and start respecting and praising him for the hero (or the abomination) that he is. All hail Khadim, All hail Tehreek-e-Labaik! There, I said it, God save my soul, my Sanity!