Just days after his return to what has been touted as a successful trip to US, Imran Khan and his party has been mired in a fresh controversy that threatens to topple the government.
The Supreme Court of Pakistan has taken suo moto notice against the moon noting that it appears above Pakistan territory each night without possessing Pakistani nationality or even a valid visa. Justice Khosa remarked that the failure of successive governments to rectify this situation poses a grave security risk to the country particularly at a time when relations with India are at an all time low.
Moments after the court order, Qamar Bajwa, Chief of Army Staff held a press conference and confirmed that the activities of the moon are being monitored and that it may be an India spy collecting intelligence on the country’s nuclear facilities. General Bajwa stated that they had received multiple reports of moon sightings in India confirming their suspicions and that decisive action will be taken against the moon very soon.
Information Minister Firdous Ashiq Awan also organized a press conference at which she remarked that it’s a sign of Tabdeeli that even the moon shies away and disappears each day. She stated that NAB has been investigating the moon for some time now and will soon be filing charges against it for providing just enough light each night for crooks to conduct their nefarious activities.
Addressing a bevy of people at the Islamabad airport, Prime Minister Imran Khan stated “My party has been railing against the moon for the last 22 years. I’ve heard about it all my life. I’ve seen it all around me. Its presence is undeniable. It appears in many forms. Its affect is on many levels. Its beneficiaries come in all shapes, sizes and moral whataboutism. It is here, and it is there, and it is everywhere. There is no escaping it anywhere. It takes no prisoners. Not one institution has existed without its effects. Its primary and ultimate victim is one: Pakistan.
How can it be that the moon was at the wedding of Nawaz’s daughter one day shining from up above and in India just moments later? Do the people of this country not understand what is going on?”
PMLN leader Ahsan Iqbal however has taken offence to the remarks of the Prime Minister adding that it smacks of political victimisation. He claimed that it was originally Nawaz Sharif’s idea that the moon should come out each night and the model has proved to be a great success. He threatened that his party will come out to the street to protest and shut down the country if this political victimisation continued.
Other PMLN leaders were silent on the subject but multiple prisoners and police officers at Kot Lakhpat jail have reported to have heard one prisoner regularly chanting “Our friendship with China is even higher than the sea” each night.
Speaking to media officials, Chief of JUI-F Maulana Fazlur Rehman said that they finally have proof of Imran Khan being a Yahoodi agent and concrete proof had been provided to him by Ruet e Hilal Committee Chairman Mufti Muneed ur Rehman. He showed pictures of the moon in Israel and asked if media officials were aware that it was the same moon that also appeared each night in Pakistan? He stated that this was conclusive proof that Imran Khan Niazi was using the moon to carry secret messages to Israel Prime Minister Netanyahu and that in the upcoming days Israel is planning to send a secret army through the moon to destroy Pakistan.
Perhaps, most insightful of all was PPP Chairman Bilawal Bhutto’s take on the subject: “Jub chaand aata hai, to roshni hoti hai aur jub poora chaan aata hai to ziyada roshni hoti hai.”
Senator Sherry Rehman lauded Bilawal’s statement citing it as evidence of his being a great leader but launched a scathing attack on the Prime Minister for failing to address this critical issue at the United Nations General Assembly. “Why did Imran Khan use up time to talk about useless issues and then long rambling history lesson? This is the only issue he should have been talking about.”
Climate Change Minister Zartaj Gul however disagreed with Sherry Rehman’s Remarks on Twitter and shared a picture of Neil Armstrong on the moon as evidence of a march she had organised there to protest the moon’s duplicitous activities. The tweet has since then been deleted.