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SATIRE: Freaky Friday – Dooms Day or Day of Salvation

SATIRE: Freaky Friday – Dooms Day or Day of Salvation

By Haris Azeem Yar Khan –

What happens when you ‘coincidentally’ meet ill fortune on the same day of the week, almost Every other week? You probably start sensing unseen, supernatural forces at play. Given such coincidences, it is not surprising to see the Sharif family, facing a similar predicament, is blaming aliens or ungodly phenomena for their sorry state of affairs.

Friday may be seen as a day of reverence in our little corner of the world. However, the opposite holds true in the Western culture, with Friday the 13th being seen as the epitome of bad luck. Our perceptions of Friday too could soon align with those of the West.

Of course, the origins of the “fatal” Friday are marred by superstitions and perverse logic. But the idea has borne legitimacy to the extent that a unique diction for the phobia has been coined: friggatriskaidekaphobia or paraskevidekatriaphobia literally meaning fear of Friday the 13th. . Yes, you read that right! Please don’t ask how it’s pronounced, because we don’t have a clue. But you know who might? The Sharif family.

The recent arrest of Shabaz Sharif, another Sharif accused of being not-so-Sharif, in the Ashiana scandal has further bolstered the idea that Friday is just not meant for them and their supporters (AKA our Noonie brethren). However, the more misfortune befalls the Sharifs on subsequent  Fridays, the more it becomes revered by PTI and its band of fervent Insaafians (since we are using popular names now).

Let us now look at a few recent individual instances of when the beleaguered Sharif family (a misnomer I repeat) got entangled in this unholy mess, on an otherwise holy day.

  1. Not all of you might remember it, but on 19th October 2012, the verdict of Asghar Khan Case was released. It accused Alpha-Sharif, among others, of receiving aid from the intelligence services in a bid to beat People’s Party in an engineered election. Guess what the day was? Dooms Day 1: Friday
  2. However, given the family’s current precarious state, Panama case would be a more pertinent mention. On 5th May 2017, the supreme court bench hearing the case, formally constituted the joint investigation team (JIT) to probe PM’s family’s business dealings abroad; This JIT proved to be their bane and this day was again *drums rolling* FRIDAY. Things literally went haywire after this.
  3. On 28th July 2017, the five-member SC bench headed by the ‘Devil incarnate’, Justice Asif Saeed Khosa, passed the highly controversial verdict which disqualified Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif from being a member of the parliament. Do I really need to mention the Day? Should be self-explanatory by now.
  4. On 8th September 2017, NAB decided to subject the already suffering Sharifs to more torment. It filed four additional references against them and Ishaq Dar (hinky yet a loyal subject). This happened on a Jummah too. Odd, isn’t it?
  5. Nawaz Sharif was disqualified for life and barred from practicing politics on 13th April 2018. The day again went down as ‘Friday’.
  6. On 6th July 2018, Avenfield reference case verdict was announced. This was perhaps the darkest chapter in Sharif family’s politics. The final blow came in the form of arrest warrants against the ousted Prime Minister. The decision proved particularly damning for Noon’s politics as His highness was handed 10 years jail time for owning assets exceeding income. The royal heiress and crown princess, Maryam Nawaz, was given Seven year for aiding and abetting. While the infamous Captain Safdar (politician turned dervish) was handed only one year of jail time for not cooperating with NAB.
  7. Things were relatively low-key for a while until Kaaboom! Shabaz Sharif (the younger one) gets arrested by NAB in Ashiana and Saaf Pani scandal, on 5th October 2018. This last stroke of misfortune struck on the same Day too. How peculiar!

I know it sounds like some ‘Illuminati’ level conspiracy theory, but these bad omens and successive mishaps do establish the veracity of the claims made here. It is highly recommended that the family under consideration should indulge in charitable activities, alongside seeking professional advice from saints (peers/Aamils). Just saying. Only God knows what lays in store for them next. Or maybe Imran khan knows too.

I am pretty sure we all are familiar with the actual annual Black Friday, the time of the year when a plethora of products are sold on huge discounts worldwide. Well, some of us might get seriously offended by the word ‘Black’, but I guess there is something really Black about the day that the Sharif’s continue to experience week after week. Or maybe I am construing it the wrong way since it still remains a ‘White-Friday’ (Day of Salvation) for the Insaafians and much of the rest of the apolitical lot.